you see latelty i have been feeling rather discontent. i look at my life and im not really happy with the way it is. im not happy with how i spend my time. im not happy with how much time i waste. im not happy with the job i do. im not happy with how much i talk to others about God. im not happy about how much money i spend on myself. im not happy about the amount of time i spend on my own. i am unhappy about where i live.
but it is ok to be discontent with these things? because you see the reason i think i am discontent with these things is because i think God has more for me.
i think he wants me to be spending more time with him.
i think he wants me to spend less time procastinating.
i think he wants me to spend more time using the gifts and strengths he has given (which incidently i dont really do with my job)
i think he wants me to be a better example of him to those around me.
i think he wants me to remember how poor other people are and how i could be helping them way more than i do.
i think he wants to be building more friendships with people while im here instead of just relying on the ones i have.
i think he has somewhere else for me to be.
so maybe some discontent is ok...it means i will reach for more of God, more of things that are true of him. but then theres that line.... and maybe im about to cross it. the line from a healthy discontentment that forces your eyes on jesus, trusting that he holds everything in his hands, to that place where where you are never satisfied with anything, always wanting more. the grass is always greener syndrome. its a line i dont want to cross!
i just need to figure out how to do that!
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Sunday, 15 February 2009
LOVE IS....
a single red rose?
dinner for 2?
100s of barely audible i love yous?
time?
secret glances?
shared moments?
or is it more?
standing by someone when they are at thier worst?
taking time out for that person that noone else will?
looking beyond mistakes?
never quitting?
following through on promises made?
standing up against injustice?
loving the unlovable, the unworthy?
intimacy?
integrity?
truth?
sacrifice?
hurt?
disappointment?
worth it?
LOVE IS... JESUS.
its not an exchange, giving so you get, its raw and its hard and its unconditional. its wild and its passionate and its undeniable. its vunerability. it should be easy to be vunerable with God he knows everything anyway...but yet something makes it so difficult.
God wants 1 thing...everything!
what am i prepared to give him?
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
i saw the sea, i saw me.
the other day i was taking a walk along the beach. it was a really foggy morning, so much so that i could even see good old carrickfergus across the lough, but it was peaceful, the sea was so calm, and i got to thinking....
the sea can change so much day to day; one day its a raging torent, and the next like a glass lake. this particular morning i think God was really speaking to me about where my life is right now. i cant see "the other side" or where im going right now, but things are calm and peaceful because i know i have put my trust compleltely in God to bring something amazing for my future. so its ok that i cant see everything and it was just a little reminder to me to keep holding on and be patient as his will unfolds, little by little. he'll show me the other side when i ready.
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
its that time of year....
the end!!!
i always like to look back on a year and say what i have done with this year?? for me 2008 is def one to remember! after a rubbish start things really could only get better!!!
in these last 12 months i have lived in 5 countries, had 4 jobs and met more new people than probably all the other years of my life put together!!!! (thats what it feels like anyway!)
i have seen so many new places and experienced so many new things! (i even have a freaking tattoo!!!)
i feel like a totally new person compared to how i left 2007! God can do a lot in a year! and im ready for 2009 to be even better!
best part of 2008: BRAZIL
hardest thing of 2008: HEALING A BROKEN HEART
favourite memory of 2008: THERE ARE SO MANY... I THINK THE NIGHT WE TOOK THE BELTON SIGN OUT IS DEF ONE OF THEM!
ah 2008... well its been and gone, just need to remember all i have learned and not make the same mistakes again!
i always like to look back on a year and say what i have done with this year?? for me 2008 is def one to remember! after a rubbish start things really could only get better!!!
in these last 12 months i have lived in 5 countries, had 4 jobs and met more new people than probably all the other years of my life put together!!!! (thats what it feels like anyway!)
i have seen so many new places and experienced so many new things! (i even have a freaking tattoo!!!)
i feel like a totally new person compared to how i left 2007! God can do a lot in a year! and im ready for 2009 to be even better!
best part of 2008: BRAZIL
hardest thing of 2008: HEALING A BROKEN HEART
favourite memory of 2008: THERE ARE SO MANY... I THINK THE NIGHT WE TOOK THE BELTON SIGN OUT IS DEF ONE OF THEM!
ah 2008... well its been and gone, just need to remember all i have learned and not make the same mistakes again!
Thursday, 18 December 2008
nativity
ok so its christmas time and that means lots of nativity plays right??
so i was watching hollyoaks the other day (not something i frequently do usually because im at work!!.) At the minute they are trying to organise a community nativity play but everyone has their own ideas of what that looks like.... so basically the story of the birth of Jesus is being "sexed up" to make it more appealing! so more violence, more drama, more modern is the key to mass appeal! it just made me really sad that this is where we're at. the "nativity" has become such a wishy washy comfortable nice kids story for christmas that everyone knows but no one KNOWS!
i would think that a teenage girl finding out she is pregnant (and a virgin!), has to travel to some random town miles away and end up giving birth in a dirty nasty stable surrounded by smelly cows and sheep would be dramatic enough!! ..not to mention being on the run for 2 years because some mental jealous king wants to kill you baby. oh yeah and its JESUS the SON of GOD. just a few minor details!!!
but yet in this day and age this is not seen as exciting or relevant just a fairytale to be modernised, something for the kids at christmas! but this is the reason for the season! and its not comfortable and pretty and fun. jesus had the lowliest start to life, and we shouldn't try and soften it so much!
so i guess God can even use crap soaps on tv to speak to us! it really did make me think about what christmas has turned into! this is one of the only times people will even think about Jesus or God but they have it so wrong... whos going to fix that???
so i was watching hollyoaks the other day (not something i frequently do usually because im at work!!.) At the minute they are trying to organise a community nativity play but everyone has their own ideas of what that looks like.... so basically the story of the birth of Jesus is being "sexed up" to make it more appealing! so more violence, more drama, more modern is the key to mass appeal! it just made me really sad that this is where we're at. the "nativity" has become such a wishy washy comfortable nice kids story for christmas that everyone knows but no one KNOWS!
i would think that a teenage girl finding out she is pregnant (and a virgin!), has to travel to some random town miles away and end up giving birth in a dirty nasty stable surrounded by smelly cows and sheep would be dramatic enough!! ..not to mention being on the run for 2 years because some mental jealous king wants to kill you baby. oh yeah and its JESUS the SON of GOD. just a few minor details!!!
but yet in this day and age this is not seen as exciting or relevant just a fairytale to be modernised, something for the kids at christmas! but this is the reason for the season! and its not comfortable and pretty and fun. jesus had the lowliest start to life, and we shouldn't try and soften it so much!
so i guess God can even use crap soaps on tv to speak to us! it really did make me think about what christmas has turned into! this is one of the only times people will even think about Jesus or God but they have it so wrong... whos going to fix that???
Friday, 12 December 2008
what are you living for??
something i struggle with since coming home is how i can use my days to glorify God?
when your a missionary and getting to speak to people and pray on nearly a daily basis its easy to see how God can use you... but when you find yourself making coffee and selling clothes, it becomes a little harder to see the eternal significance of your life! and thats hard for me.
a while back i did this strnegth finder test and it turned out that my main strength was belief meaning its very hard for me to devote my time to things that i dont deam important according to my values! (and surpirse surprise making coffee isnt one of them)
but then the other day i was reading col 3:17 "and whatever you do or say let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the father."
its not about WHAT i do its about HOW i do it! the conversations i have with people at work, the attitude i have while im there! everyone knows about my faith and everyone has their own preconceived ideas about what that means and how they will look at me.
so now every morning i wake up and remind myself that i could be the only Jesus they ever meet and thats a responsibility i dont take too lightly! i know the impact God has made on my life and if i am myself others will see it too. now i see the opportunities God is giving me... one guy is so full of questions and wants to talk about christianity ALL the time.... i just need increased boldness to keep going! to ensure my lifestyle is an example of Jesus!
when your a missionary and getting to speak to people and pray on nearly a daily basis its easy to see how God can use you... but when you find yourself making coffee and selling clothes, it becomes a little harder to see the eternal significance of your life! and thats hard for me.
a while back i did this strnegth finder test and it turned out that my main strength was belief meaning its very hard for me to devote my time to things that i dont deam important according to my values! (and surpirse surprise making coffee isnt one of them)
but then the other day i was reading col 3:17 "and whatever you do or say let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the father."
its not about WHAT i do its about HOW i do it! the conversations i have with people at work, the attitude i have while im there! everyone knows about my faith and everyone has their own preconceived ideas about what that means and how they will look at me.
so now every morning i wake up and remind myself that i could be the only Jesus they ever meet and thats a responsibility i dont take too lightly! i know the impact God has made on my life and if i am myself others will see it too. now i see the opportunities God is giving me... one guy is so full of questions and wants to talk about christianity ALL the time.... i just need increased boldness to keep going! to ensure my lifestyle is an example of Jesus!
Monday, 8 December 2008
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